


And in the end, I'd do it all again

by Bow_of_Artemis



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Coming Out, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, F/M, Good Parents Maggie & Wentworth Tozier, M/M, Maggie Tozier POV, POV Outsider, Phone Calls, he does just accept it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23658295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bow_of_Artemis/pseuds/Bow_of_Artemis
Summary: Maggie Tozier always thought that she was a good mother. She always had Richie’s best interests at heart; she indulged Richie and encouraged him with his voices, knowing that they made him happy. When he was a small child, he had always had so much energy. He was practically bouncing off the walls and even though he was a handful, Maggie loved him all the same.--or: Richie's life told through the perspective of Maggie Tozier
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Maggie Tozier & Richie Tozier, Maggie Tozier/Wentworth Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 194





	And in the end, I'd do it all again

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I hated seeing Maggie portrayed as a bad mother over and over again and I wanted some justice.
> 
> Title from the kids aren't alright by fall out boy

Maggie Tozier always thought that she was a good mother. She always had Richie’s best interests at heart; she indulged Richie and encouraged him with his voices, knowing that they made him happy. When he was a small child, he had always had so much energy. He was practically bouncing off the walls and even though he was a handful, Maggie loved him all the same. He had always been a particularly social child, unafraid to strike up conversation with anybody who crosses his path, no matter their age. Maggie had always admired that in her son, hoping that he would grow up to be a healthy and sociable young man.

His first proper friend that Maggie got to meet was a quiet boy named Stanley. Maggie was surprised that they got on so well, they seemed like such opposites, Stanley quietly following Richie’s lead. Nevertheless, they stuck together, and Maggie got on well with both of Stanley’s parents, despite the very small underlying guilt that remained from Maggie practically abandoning her Jewish faith into adulthood. She was happy that her son had found a friend he seemed to like so much when he was still so young.

Stanley, who later clarifies that he prefers to just be called Stan once he gets a little older, is the first friend of Richie’s that Maggie met until Richie began kindergarten and suddenly begins raving about a new boy he met in his class named Eddie. Maggie found herself thinking how adorable it was the way Richie’s eyes would light up when he spoke to her about his new friend. Maggie could tell that he spoke about Eddie in a different way to how he spoke about Stan, but Maggie couldn’t quite place her finger on the difference.

It was a few weeks before Maggie got to properly meet Eddie, Richie always complaining about how Eddie’s mother would never let him play, always whisking Eddie away from school as soon as the day was over. This confused Maggie until she met Sonia Kaspbrak for the first time. When she did, she immediately didn’t like her. She could tell that Sonia was incredibly overprotective of her son, but Maggie felt awfully sorry for her once she found out that Eddie’s father had died of cancer the year prior. She wrongly assumed that Sonia would calm down over the years once her grief had settled down. She tried to convince Sonia that she was safe to leave Eddie with and eventually Sonia was worn down enough to let Eddie out of her sight, something that Richie was incredibly grateful for.

Soon after Eddie came Bill, Richie’s final friend that she would meet for quite a few years. As Maggie understood it, Richie became friends with him through Eddie. She liked Bill; he was another calmer influence on their group. Maggie was happy for her son that he had found such a tight-knit group of friends so young. She found that the Denbrough’s were people she got along very well with, even encouraging Sharon Denbrough through her second pregnancy when it comes around.

-

Through the years Richie hung around with Eddie, Stan, and Bill almost constantly and Maggie was always willing to open her home to the four boys. She noticed Eddie coming over alone more often than either of the other boys, but she was more than understanding. Unlike Maggie expected, Sonia did not calm down through the years, instead her paranoia for her son’s safety only seemed to worsen. Maggie knew that Eddie simply wanted a space where he could escape from his mother. A space which Maggie was more than willing to provide for him.

Richie still talked about Eddie differently to how he talked about Stan or Bill, but Maggie couldn’t quite place her finger on why. There was still a light that shone in his eyes whenever he talked about him. She supposed that it was simply that they spent the most time together and were just closer in a way that Richie wasn’t with Stan or Bill. It was only natural for children to become best friends after all.

Everything was normal with her son and his friends until tragedy struck the Denbrough household after their younger son disappeared one day in a storm. Not only did Maggie notice a change in Bill and his parents, who Maggie tried to help by bringing them food or anything else she thought that they might need, but she also noticed a change in her son. After George died, Richie slowly seemed to cut himself off from her. He had always been such an open child and Maggie prided herself on knowing so much about her own son. But after this started to change, Maggie felt locked out of her son’s life. At first, she assumed it was simply how grief affected him and that he would begin to open up to her again once the shock passed, but this was not the case.

Things got their worst the summer when Richie was 13, he would leave the house constantly without telling her where he was going and Maggie saw him hanging around few more friends than just Eddie, Stan, and Bill. As happy as it made her to see her son expend his friendship circle even further, it pained her that he’d never even thought to introduce them to her. One thing that she did take note of was that Richie finally appeared to become friends with a girl. When Richie was younger, he always used to make over-exaggerated brags about how he was such a ‘hit with the ladies’ but Maggie had never seen him even talk to one. Maggie was glad that he finally appeared to have learned how to talk to girls.

Most of the summer continued with Maggie simply watching Richie as an outsider looking in. Occasionally, she would attempt to strike up a conversation with Richie about what was happening in his life, but Richie would dismiss the conversation with only the briefest of excuses. When Maggie brought up her troubles to her husband, Wentworth, he simply dismissed it citing the fact that Richie is becoming a teenage boy and most teenage boys don’t talk to their mothers. As much as it pained her to admit it, she knew that he was right and that she needed to take a step back from her son’s life.

-

Most of the time, Maggie reluctantly stood back from getting involved in her son’s life, knowing that her attempts to get involved were futile. However, one day she wanted to talk to her son desperately. More than she had ever wanted to talk to her son in her life. That was the day that summer when Richie came home practically sobbing to himself. Maggie saw the cuts on his hands and assumed that something must have happened causing him to fall over and he was possibly crying from the pain, although that explanation seemed too simple. What really confused her was what happened when she tried talking to her son.

“Richie!” she called in greeting once she saw him enter through the front door. It wasn’t immediately that she noticed that he was crying but after she did, she called for him again, in a much more concerned tone “Richie, honey, what’s wrong?” Richie didn’t reply, instead he quickly stormed up to his room and slammed the door. Maggie instantly followed him, knowing as a mother that there was no way she could leave him like he was.

When she cautiously entered his room, she found her son with his head shoved in his pillow. “Go away!” Richie yelled into his pillow, his voice hoarse and muffled. Of course, Maggie didn’t listen and comfortingly tried to place her hand on her son’s back. Immediately, Richie moved away from her touch, something that only concerned her more. She could tell that her son was hurting, and she wanted to do whatever she could to make him feel better. 

“What happened sweetie?” Maggie tried in a vain attempt to get her son to open up to her. She made sure to keep her voice calm and comforting, not allowing it to give away how desperate she was feeling.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter, just go away,” Richie dismissed, lifting his face away from his pillow so that she could understand him. Maggie didn’t know how he could call whatever could have happened ‘nothing’ when it obviously hurt him so deeply.

“Richie,” Maggie said, in a slightly firmer voice. She desperately wanted to find any way to help her son and she couldn’t do that without knowing what was wrong. This at least got Richie to look at her and her heart broke looking into Richie’s crying eyes.

“I can’t tell you, Okay? I would tell you if I could, but you just have to trust me that I _can’t,_ ” Richie pleaded desperately, and Maggie knew that she wasn’t going to get an explanation out of her son any time soon. There was nothing that Maggie could think of that would prompt a reaction like this out of her son. She hated knowing that there were things in his life that he felt like he couldn’t talk to her about. As much as it broke her heart to leave her son like he was, she reluctantly stood from the edge of his bed.

“Just know that you can tell me anything,” she reassured knowing that it was true. As much as she wracked her brain, she couldn’t come up with any explanation her son could have for what happened that could make her love him any less. “Come and talk to me when you can,” she said, hoping that she might have slightly gotten through to her son. She just wanted him to talk to her about _anything_ at this point. She hated feeling useless knowing something was wrong with her son and that there was nothing that she could do to help him.

Unfortunately, nothing changed, and Richie continued to keep her shut out for the next few years, despite her best efforts. She could tell that something changed her son that summer, but she was left completely in the dark over what he did over that time.

-

When Richie was 16 years old, it was the first time that Maggie truly started thinking about her son in a different light. It happened one night after Maggie prepared dinner for her family, nostalgic for the family dinners they ate when Richie was a child and had seemingly endless time for his family and Wentworth didn’t work so late into the evening. They all came to the table and dug into the meal, Maggie attempting to make pleasant conversation, missing when she used to know everything that happened in her son’s life. Mostly, Richie indulged her in the conversation, taking his normal joking stance in conversation and Maggie is grateful for it. Even though she knew it was such a surface level conversation, she would have taken anything that let her into her son’s life.

“So, Richie, when are you going to bring a girlfriend home to us?” Wentworth asked during a slight lull in the conversation. Maggie watched as something changed in her son and he suddenly seemed far more interested in the steak he was sawing into with his knife. She saw him recede very slightly into himself and she carefully snuck a glance over at her husband who didn’t even seem to notice the very slight change in their son’s demeanour. The reaction was subtle but her motherly instincts could notice almost anything.

“You know me dad, all the ladies want me but none of them can have me,” Richie joked and again only Maggie seemed to notice the very subtle falter in his usual joking tone.

“Are you sure, nobody you’ve got your eye on?” Wentworth continued, still oblivious to Richie’s discomfort in the conversation. However, Maggie noticed that this question invoked a slightly different response in Richie as she sees a tiny bit of heat creep up at the base of his neck and he swallows down a smile. Maggie’s mind instantly runs wild with possibility wondering what girl he could possibly be thinking about. She wondered if there were girls at his school that she’d never seen around her son before that he could possibly be thinking of. The one girl, whose name she eventually was Beverly, moved away a couple years back. Everything seemed very sudden from Maggie’s point of view, but she got no further information out of Richie when she asked him about it. Despite her wondering about Richie’s reaction to Wentworth’s question, but she suppressed her curiosity, knowing that it would only make Richie pull away from their conversation more.

“No, not at the moment, dad,” Richie chuckled awkwardly but Wentworth eyed him curiously. Maggie briefly wondered why he lied, but quickly dismissed the thought with the explanation that he didn’t want to talk about it to his parents. It obviously must be someone that he had never mentioned to them before and he must not have wanted to get into the specifics.

“Are you sure, son?” Wentworth prodded but Maggie decided to cut him off, not enjoying the direction that conversation was going in, instead wanting to go back to the light and easy small talk of before, still craving more insight into her son’s life and no wanting him to cut her off again now. Richie only continued to recede into himself the more Wentworth prodded him. 

“Went,” she said, placing her hand over his and looking him in the eyes to signal him to lay off Richie. “Let the boy live.” She saw Richie look at her with the briefest of grateful smiles that she assumed she wasn’t supposed to see, before returning his focus to his dinner plate. There was a very slight tenseness in the air before their conversation returns back to the normal light tone of before. But Maggie is not as invested in the conversation as she used to be. Instead, in the back of her mind she is wondering why Richie pulled away from the conversation so suddenly. He always used to brag about how he was popular with all the girls at school, but he never had anything to back up his obviously exaggerated claims. Something about the way Richie reacted to Wentworth’s questioning made Maggie think that there was something more on Richie’s end other than simply discomfort at talking about girls with his parents.

Maggie continued to wonder about her son well into the evening but that night, after she’d climbed into bed next to her husband, she is suddenly struck with a thought that frankly, she was surprised had never crossed her mind before. She wondered if her son was gay. Initially, she dismissed the thought, remembering all the times her son used to talk about girls, but the more she thought about it, she realised that those comments tapered away as he got older and now he can’t even hold a normal conversation about girls. Those comments were always joking anyway, Maggie didn’t think that she’d ever heard her son seriously mention a girl other than Beverly, but even her, she had never heard her son mention her in anything more than a friendly tone and she never saw them leave to hang out alone together. There was never anything to imply that they had anything more than a platonic relationship other than the fact that they were a boy and a girl.

The more Maggie considered the thought that Richie may be gay, the more it made sense to her, he did always surround himself with boys and perhaps his friendships were closer to them than was normal for some other boys his age. He had also never been particularly interested in the more masculine activities that Wentworth tried to get him into. He never got into any of the variety of sports Wentworth encouraged him to play, usually playing briefly to appease his father before quitting. Eventually, Wentworth gave up trying, knowing that Richie wasn’t the kind of boy to follow in his athletic footsteps.

At first, that thought that Richie may be gay scared Maggie, knowing that if he was gay, his life would be much harder. She’s not ignorant, she’d seen the news and watched as the AIDS epidemic overtook the gay community and she desperately didn’t want her son to find the same fate. Maggie had never been a particularly religious woman; she was always off put by people using faith to justify their hatred. Despite her fear for Richie’s safety, she knew that nothing could make her stop loving her son. She just desperately hoped that if she was right about her son, that he would be safe and happy, something that would mostly be out of her control. 

She decided against bringing up her train of thought to her husband, not wanting to bother him with her anxieties. Besides, they were only theories at that point anyways. It took her longer than usual to fall asleep as her mind kept supplying her with possibilities of things that could happen to her son. She knew that his life will be harder if she turned out to be right. It’s this night that Maggie remembered the day when Richie came home crying and refused to talk to her. She wondered if that was what Richie couldn’t tell her. This only made her worry more as she wondered what or even who made him cry like that. She hoped that her son wasn’t still hurting and that he wasn’t alone, he had such a tight-knit group of friends, she hoped that if he wasn’t talking to her that he was at least talking to them.

The next day Maggie tried to talk to her son to try and get him to open up to see if her suspicions were correct but unfortunately, it was ineffective, as she assumed it would be.

“You know you can always talk to me about anything,” she said that morning while Richie was quickly eating his breakfast before school that day. He looked up at her curiously while finishing his bite.

“Uh, yeah? Thanks mom,” he said with a confused tone and Maggie knew that this conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere.

“Well, I just wanted you to know,” she said, and Richie just looked at her with a confused look and slight nod before returning to his breakfast. Maggie very quietly sighed to herself as she turned around back to the stove. She hoped that if she turned out to be right that he would come to her at some point soon.

-

Over the next couple years, she paid closer attention to how Richie acted with his friends and noticed how he was always slightly different around Eddie. She always very slightly smiled to herself when she saw them together and hoped that Richie had found someone to confide in. As much as Maggie hoped though, Richie never came to her. When he was 18, he announced that he was going to go to college in California where he would be able to chase his dreams of being a comedian. As much as the thought of Richie moving across the country absolutely terrified her, she knew that there was no way Richie could stay in Derry, he was very much a big fish in a small pond and she didn’t feel right trying to trap him. California had always seemed like the perfect place for a big personality like him.

On the day he left, Maggie watched as he gave tearful goodbye to the friends that were still around in Derry, Eddie, Stan, and Mike. Maggie had learnt the names of his newer friends after hearing them in passing. The other 3 of his friends had all left Derry slowly over the years all for varying reasons that Maggie may not have particularly understood. The departure of the Denbrough’s however, was particularly hard on her. She hated seeing them as shells of their former selves, overtaken with completely understandable grief. Every time another one of Richie’s friends left, Maggie hurt knowing that there was nothing she could do to make her son feel any better. Now, it was finally Richie’s turn.

She watched as Richie hugged each of his remaining friends fiercely and as Maggie watched she felt grateful that he had found such good friends in a small town like Derry. There always felt like the town had more than its fair share of bad seeds. When Richie went to hug Eddie, Maggie initially thought that Eddie was being suffocated and almost went to intervene before Eddie hugged him back just as tightly.

“I’ll keep in touch, I promise,” Maggie heard Richie say but there was an odd sadness in his tone that was different to the normal pain of goodbyes. The other 3 gave him sad smiles in return but didn’t say anything, Maggie wondered why they didn’t also promise to keep in touch. Richie didn’t stop looking over his shoulder at them as he climbed into the passenger seat of the car next to Wentworth who was driving him to airport. Maggie struggled to keep herself together as she watched her son drive away. She suddenly understood what everybody was talking about when they said that their children grew up so fast and she desperately wished for him to go back be being her handful of a baby boy so full of youth and energy so that she could savour him even more than she already did.

-

The years passed quickly after Richie left home. He very rarely came to visit them in person, instead opting to simply call them to keep them updated on what’s happened in his life, whenever it was convenient for him.

The year after Richie moved away, he called to tell her and Wentworth that he wasn’t going to return to college for his sophomore year. The thought terrified Maggie but despite her trying to convince him to rethink his decision, wanting him to have the security of a college degree, he did not listen, putting all his faith into throwing himself into the comedy scene. Maggie had never seen him perform but was relying on faith that he was as good as he seemed to believe he was. Entertainment was always such an unreliable industry. She spent many nights after Richie told her he was dropping out talking with Wentworth to let out her anxieties and he attempted to soothe her, telling her to have trust in her son. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, it was more that she didn’t trust the people around him to see what she could see in him.

A couple months after Richie truly committed himself to comedy Maggie received a phone call from Richie when he excitedly told her that he had been approached by a talent agent who wanted to take him into their company. Maggie nearly cried tears of joy and relief when she heard the news. For the first time since he told her that he was dropping out of college, she truly believed that he was going to be okay. 

-

It took a few years before Maggie actually saw Richie performing, previously only relying on faith, when a comedy set of his airs on TV. She excitedly got Wentworth to watch it with her but a few minutes in she could tell that these were not Richie’s jokes. For one thing, he constantly talked about a girlfriend who, as far as Maggie knew, did not exist. Maggie still had a sneaking suspicion that he was gay, particularly as he never seemed to talk about any girls whenever he called her. But more importantly, she could tell that they weren’t his jokes because she could tell that when he was on stage, he wasn’t himself. Sure, he put on a great performative persona, but she could tell with a mother’s intuition that it was all an act, it wasn’t his organic self. A small part of herself was glad that she could tell that they weren’t his jokes because they were far cruder and more offensive than she would like. He had always had a crass sense of humour, but some of his jokes were at others’ expense, something she didn’t appreciate.

“They’re not his jokes,” Maggie told Wentworth once she felt sure enough about the fact.

“He definitely doesn’t seem himself up on that stage,” Wentworth agreed, and Maggie was glad that he could see it too. She was always the more observant of the two but if he could also see it, she knew that she wasn’t just seeing something that wasn’t there. They did end up finishing his set but instead of the pride Maggie expected herself to be feeling, she simply felt sad and worried for her son. She wondered how he ended up telling someone else’s jokes and how long this had been happening, from what he had been telling her, she’d assumed that he must have been telling his own jokes. At least in the beginning he must have been telling his own jokes and surely that was what helped him get contacted by a talent agency. Almost immediately after the set finished Maggie picked up the phone and called her son, unwilling to let herself sit in thought without answers.

“Richie’s mortuary, you stab ‘em we slab ‘em,” Richie said after answering the phone. Richie seemed to have an endless array of dumb ways to answer the phone whenever Maggie called him. She hoped that he didn’t always answer the phone like that, assuming that he must get calls from people who wouldn’t appreciate him being so informal. 

“Why can’t you just answer the phone with a hello like a normal person?” she asked, slightly exasperated, knowing that Richie wouldn’t care.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your call, dearest mother?” Richie replied and Maggie realised that she had never told him that she was going to watch his set. She had intended to surprise him with her praise later but now it was going to be different than she expected.

“Your father and I watched one of your sets that was airing on our TV,” she explained and heard the very slight sound of Richie hitching his breath from being caught off guard. That didn’t sound like the reaction of a man who was proud of his work.

“Oh, um, you did?” Richie asked and Maggie could hear the trepidation in his voice.

“Honey, why are you telling someone else’s jokes?” she asked instead of a proper response, and Richie obviously took a sharp breath in.

“You can tell?” he asked cautiously, the small piece of Maggie’s mind that was still slightly unsure if her suspicions were correct suddenly disappeared.

“Of course I can tell, you think I don’t know my own son?” Maggie explained, slightly exasperated.

“Right, the whole ’you’re my mother’ thing,” Richie joked “well, uh, I tell other people’s jokes cause they’re easier. I don’t have to write the script I just have to learn it and besides, it’s a whole lot easier to bare other people’s insecurities than my own.” Maggie felt her heart break very slightly when she heard Richie say that final line. It was obviously a very real struggle for Richie, despite the fact that he tried to keep a light tone when he said it. She hated the thought that her son was feeling alone and ashamed, even if he turned out not to be gay. He was obviously still feeling insecure. Maggie had hoped that he might have aged out of that feeling when he moved to California, but apparently she was wrong. 

“I’m sure it would be fine if you decided to tell your own jokes, I’m sure whatever insecurities you’re talking about aren’t as bad as you think,” Maggie said as an attempt at reassurance. She could tell that Richie paused slightly as he tried to think of a response. 

“Just- don’t worry about it mom,” Richie said but it only made Maggie worry more. She hated that Richie continued to try and shut her out, even now when he was older. She could tell that he had problems and she hoped that he had someone, anyone, over in California.

“How can I not worry when my son is across the country from me telling jokes that aren’t his about girls that don’t exist-”

“I have to go,” Richie said very suddenly cutting her off. Maggie slightly cursed herself for bringing up girls, but she just wanted Richie to be honest with her.

“Richie, wait,” she tried but was met with a dial tone. Richie’s extreme reluctance to talk to her after she brought up girls confirmed Maggie’s suspicions she’d had for years. It only served to make her more concerned for Richie though, she hoped more than anything that he wasn’t as alone in California as he appeared. She also wondered why he didn’t feel safe enough to talk to her, trying to think if there was something she might have done or said in the past that would make Richie feel as if he couldn’t talk to her, but she came up empty. She couldn’t understand why he felt so reluctant to be honest, she had told him so many times that she loved him and that he could tell her anything.

Finally, she decided to bring it up with Wentworth. Up until that point she had largely kept her suspicions to herself, not wanting to bother Wentworth with something that she wasn’t even sure about. She waited until they had both climbed into bed next to each other to bring it up.

“I think Richie’s gay,” Maggie said out of the blue.

“What, really?” Wentworth responded, obviously not expecting that, “are you sure? I mean, he always used to talk about girls when he was younger and even if he didn’t write those jokes that doesn’t mean he doesn’t date other girls.”

“But have you heard him mention any girls he’s dated over in California?” Maggie asked and it was almost as if she could hear the gears turning in Wentworth’s head, “and besides, as far as we know, he never dated anyone in high school either,” Maggie added.

“I’d never really questioned it,” Wentworth said, thoughtfully, “but surely if he was, he would have told us by now.”

“That’s the part I’m stuck on too,” Maggie admitted, some small part of her felt as if she was a bad mother because of it. She wondered if she should have been more direct with her son but another part of her thought of all the different ways that could make Richie pull away. If she was being honest with herself, it made her feel helpless knowing that there was nothing she could do. “I just hope he’s alright,” Maggie said with a worried tone and she felt Wentworth roll over to comfort her.

“I’m sure he’s fine, gay or not” Wentworth assured but it barely made a dent in Maggie’s worrying.

“I hope you’re right,” Maggie replied, and tried to settle herself down into the covers in an attempt to sleep. It was difficult, but Wentworth’s warm comfort eventually helped her drift away into a fitful sleep.

-

The years continued to pass, and it wasn’t long before Wentworth made the decision to retire from his job. They both knew that his dentistry business allowed them to grow a fairly substantial retirement fund and with that money, they both decided to leave Derry, knowing that nothing remained for them there, and they moved down to Florida. They had both always liked the beach and loved the idea of it being so close. They felt as if they needed a fresh start, somewhere completely new. When they called Richie to tell him the news, he sounded happy for them, as Maggie hoped he would.

-

One day, a few years after they had settled down in Florida, Maggie saw something that made her heart feel like it almost dropped right out of chest. She woke up to the sight of Richie’s name plastered across news websites all talking about his alleged ‘meltdown’. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, her eyes flicking over a variety of theories, each one seeing more outlandish than the last. As soon as she came to her senses, she called Richie, her anxiety only worsening when he didn’t immediately reply. She tried multiple times before finally getting through.

“Richie, what the hell happened to you!” she demanded, not worried about her accusatory tone. Now was not the time to be a caring mother, she wanted answers and to make sure that he was still doing okay.

“Mom, it’s hard to explain okay just- I promise it’s not drugs or anything like that and I swear to you I’ll explain later just trust me alright?” Richie pleaded quickly, the desperation for her to agree clear in his voice.

“You can’t even give me an explanation?!” Maggie exclaimed, not believing that Richie was just trying to brush everything away.

“Not right now, but I will, okay? Trust me.” As much as Maggie hated that he refused to explain she knew that she probably wouldn’t be getting a better explanation, at least not on this call. Richie was testing her ability to trust him, but she did. After an exasperated sigh, she reluctantly agreed.

“Fine, but I’ll be waiting for an explanation.”

“Thank you, mom, I’ll explain everything later,” Richie promised, gratefully. “I have to go but I’ll call you later, alright?” She wondered what he could be doing that would cause him to need to get off the phone so quickly.

“Alright,” Maggie sighed and listened as Richie hung up the phone.

As much as she tried to avoid it, her curiosity overtook her, and she ended up scrolling through article after article about Richie’s so-called ‘meltdown’ and subsequent disappearance. She found a video taken at the performance and the sight of her son so suddenly rushing off the stage made her feel sick. She had never seen him so out of it. She was glad that she had Wentworth to unload all of theories and anxieties onto, him patiently listening as they gradually got more and more outlandish.

She tried calling Richie a few times over the next few days, but Richie never picked up, only heightening Maggie’s anxieties. She never left a message, knowing that it would be useless. Eventually, nearly a week later, Richie called her, she smiled brightly at the sight of his name on her phone.

“Richie, you’re okay,” she said as she answered the phone, relieved.

“Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry,” Richie reassured and the sound of him saying that was something that Maggie had been wanting for days.

“What happened? Where have you been?” Maggie questioned.

“I’m actually in Derry right now, that’s part of the reason I haven’t been able to pick up your calls. My life has been a bit hectic at the moment.” This was not the answer that Maggie had expected, but if she was being honest, she didn’t know what she had expected. The most common theory that she had seen was drugs, and as much as she hated to think it, it seemed the most realistic despite Richie’s reassurances that it wasn’t.

“Derry? Why are you in Derry?” Maggie asked, now only even more confused.

“I got a call from one of my old friends, Mike? I don’t know if you remember him, but he called me to tell me about a reunion he was setting up for my old group of friends right before my set the other night. I hadn’t thought about my old friends in years and remembering them just put me so out of it because- well it doesn’t matter why but it did, obviously. I know that this sounds really weird, but you have to trust me when I promise it’s true. Just don’t worry about me, I’m okay, I swear.” Maggie listened to Richie’s explanation, incredibly confused. She didn’t know why Richie had such an extreme reaction to remembering his childhood friends, she didn’t know why he travelled all the way across the country so quickly for some seemingly random ‘reunion’ over 20 years later, she didn’t know what made him so busy in Derry of all places that he couldn’t even answer his phone. Despite all of this she knew her son well enough to know that she probably wasn’t going to get much more of an explanation, at least not on this call.

“As much as that doesn’t make sense to me, as long as you say you’re okay, I’ll trust you,” she agreed, albeit reluctantly.

“Thanks mom, I am okay, don’t worry,” Richie reassured “I’ll talk to you later.”

“You better,” Maggie joked “I love you.”

“Love you too, mom” Richie said before hanging up the phone. Maggie stood there, phone still pressed to her ear a couple seconds longer then was necessary, trying to process what Richie had told her. She supposed that a weird and confusing explanation was the only type of answer she should have expected, but as long as he was okay, she decided that she could handle it.

-

It’s a few months later when Richie called Maggie to tell her something that until that point she resigned herself to the fact that she’d never hear Richie tell her in her life.

“I actually have something important to ask,” Richie said after some brief small talk. Maggie’s interest was immediately piqued.

“Oh really, what is it?” she asked, trying to make her voice not sound as curious as she actually felt.

“Is it alright if I fly out to you in a couple weeks? I have someone I want you to meet, I’ve, well, I’ve actually met someone” Richie explained, and Maggie immediately smiled

“That’s great, honey!” Maggie exclaimed, truly happy for her son.

“But uh, well I have to tell you something first,” Richie admitted, and Maggie stated to feel excited, wondering if it was finally time for the moment she’d been thinking about for many years. “I- uh- fuck why is this so hard,” Richie said, seemingly mostly talking to himself.

“It’s alright, Richie, whatever you have to say,” Maggie reassured, not wanting to take his moment away from him. She wanted to hear it from Richie himself. She heard Richie take a deep breath.

“You see the thing is, this person, well, it’s not a woman.” Maggie heard the tense strain in his tone and how nervous he was. He forced it out quickly and it sounded like he was holding his breath on the other end of the line.

“It’s okay honey, I can’t wait to meet him,” Maggie said quickly, not wanting him to be waiting anxiously on the other end of the line, thinking through any possible negative outcomes. At the same time that Maggie spoke, Wentworth walked into the room and looked at Maggie with a questioning look. Maggie gave him a bright smile in return and nodded excitedly to confirm what she assumed he was asking. Wentworth looked at her, his mouth dropping open slightly in shock. On the other end of the phone line Maggie heard Richie sniffle very quietly.

“Wait one more thing,” Richie said after a pause and Maggie felt confused, suddenly having no idea what Richie was about to say. “You won’t exactly be meeting him.” The way he said it made it almost seem like a question and Maggie only felt more confused.

“What do you mean?” she asked, she had no idea who she might already know. She certainly didn’t know anybody who lived out in California.

“It’s um Eddie- Eddie Kaspbrak?” his questioning tone obviously wondering if Maggie remembered him. It took Maggie a few seconds to remember where she knew that name from, but soon memories flooded back to her of Richie and Eddie as children practically attached at the hip. She almost wondered how she could ever have forgotten about him, he used to stay over at her house almost constantly, not that she was complaining. But it had been so many years it was only natural to forget things like that. This revelation is far more shocking to her, something she was definitely not expecting.

“Oh wow, I haven’t heard that name in years,” Maggie said eventually, and Wentworth looked at her curiously, she put a finger up to signal for him to wait until she was off the phone. This was not something she could explain by mouthing it to him across the room. “I’m sure it will be nice to see him again,” Maggie said suddenly, realising she hadn’t properly accepted his company. Maggie quickly rethought what meeting Richie’s partner would be like, realising that she wouldn’t be introduced to a total stranger.

“So, are you still okay with us flying out there in a couple weeks?” Richie asked tentatively and Maggie couldn’t believe that he thought she might not be. As if this wasn’t something she had wanted for years. She couldn’t care less who Richie brought to meet her, as long as he made him happy.

“Don’t be silly, of course I am, I’ll be looking forward to it!” Maggie exclaimed and she can almost hear Richie smile through the phone as he let out a relieved breath.

“I love you mom, really,” Richie said, and he sounded more heartfelt and genuine than he had in a very long time. The sound of it filled Maggie’s heart with love and warmth.

“I love you too, Richie, I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon,” Richie said assuredly before hanging up the phone.

“So? What was that?” Wentworth said from where he was sitting on the couch, breaking Maggie out of her thoughts.

“Richie has someone he wants us to meet,” Maggie said in a sing-song tone “and it’s someone we’ve met before.”

“Someone he wants us to meet? As in _meet the parents_ meet?” Wentworth asked and after Maggie nodded in response, Wentworth looked at her expectantly, “and? Who is it?”

“Eddie Kaspbrak.” Maggie watched as Wentworth fell deep into thought trying to remember who that was. Maggie was glad that she wasn’t the only one who took a few seconds to remember who he was. Finally, a look of recognition suddenly crossed over his face.

“That little one, with that bitch of mother from back in Derry?” Wentworth asked, grasping for descriptions. Maggie hit him good-naturedly at his description but still nodded at him, he wasn’t wrong. “That’s- wow- I guess I always thought he might be gay,” Wentworth said, almost thoughtfully. Maggie hit him again and rolled her eyes.

“Don’t say that!” she chided, and Wentworth put his hands up in mock defence, “just say that you’re happy for them!”

“Was that not clear? If they’re happy I’m happy,” Wentworth said with a laugh.

“There, now was that so hard?” Maggie joked back. Soon after that, they settled into a comfortable silence and Maggie started thinking back to Richie and Eddie as children. Even when they were in kindergarten, they had always been different to Richie and his other friends. As they got older their bond never seemed to break or weaken, only evolve as both of them changed with age. Maggie wondered if they had ever gotten together when they were younger, and she had completely missed it. Had she been so blind that she missed them becoming more than friends? She tried to shake the thought from her mind, at least until she saw them in person. While thinking about Richie and Eddie as children she suddenly remembered a conversation she hadn’t thought about in years, the first time that she had suspected that Richie was gay. She vaguely remembered Richie getting uncomfortable when he was asked if he had his eyes on someone and Maggie wondered if it could have possibly been Eddie. Could a spark from so many years ago return? The thought amazed Maggie but surely something must have come back from their childhoods if they had been able to start a relationship so many years later. She assumed that this must have had something to do with Richie avoiding her questions about him returning to Derry and why he avoided her calls for a few days. Maggie still didn’t understand what had happened to Richie, but at least she was now confident that he was okay like he said.

-

Before long, the day that Richie and Eddie were meant to arrive came along and Maggie was stressed out of her mind with preparations. Despite Wentworth’s best attempts to calm her down she still felt as if everything had to be perfect. Her son had never brought anyone to meet them before and she felt out of her depth.

“It’s not like we’re about to meet a stranger Mags, calm down,” Wentworth said in an attempt at reassurance. It was a good point, when Maggie considered it, but it still doesn’t help.

“It’s been so many years that he may as well be!” Maggie countered, of course she had loved Eddie when he was a child, he had always been so well-behaved. Actually, he had been well-behaved at least when he knew that she was watching, but behind closed doors she could hear him perfectly match up against Richie’s overly energetic personality. But now they were older, who knew what could have happened in all the years that Maggie hadn’t seen him.

“Oh my god, are you ever going to knock or are you just going to stand there?” Maggie was startled by the voice that she couldn’t recognise coming from somewhere close to her. After a couple seconds of confusion, Maggie realised that it must be Eddie’s voice from outside. She took a deep breath to try and calm her racing heart as she walked over to the door.

“Shut up, dickwad, I’m getting there.” She heard the distinctly recognisable voice of Richie on the other side of the door, but it had a childish lilt to it that Maggie hadn’t heard in years, hearing it made her smile. She waited a few seconds to see if a knock came but when it didn’t, she opened the door herself. As soon as she opened it, she saw Eddie with his mouth open obviously about to say something to counter Richie’s bickering. However, as soon as he noticed the door open his mouth snapped shut and he smiled pleasantly at her, whatever he was about to say dying instantly in the back of his throat. Maggie is struck by his appearance; she knew that he would look much older, but it was different seeing it in reality. After taking in the initial shock of his appearance, her eyes were drawn to his cheek where there was a thin scar along it, and she wondered what could have caused that.

“Hello Mrs. Tozier” Eddie greeted with a polite smile and Maggie had to keep herself from rolling her eyes at how formal he was being.

“Oh please, I knew you when you were 6 years old, you can call me Maggie,” she assured.

“Right, sorry, Maggie,” Eddie said, correcting himself and Maggie found it charming how hard he seemed to be trying. Then, Maggie looked over to her son after realising he hadn’t said anything yet, at least not to her. She saw his hands fiddling nervously, a habit she watched him develop as a child whenever he felt anxious. Maggie restrained herself from reaching out and taking his hands in her own to stop them.

“Uh, hi mom,” Richie said, uncertainly. Despite Maggie’s best efforts to make him feel accepted Richie was still nervous to meet her after finally coming out to her. Maggie tried to accept that it was through no fault of her own and that there was nothing she could do to help him, as much as that fact pained her. This was something Richie was dealing with on his own.

“Hi sweetie,” she said, warmly, and in an attempt to make Richie feel as comfortable as possible, she held out her arms for a hug, which was quickly accepted. It lasted a couple seconds longer than a normal greeting hug as she knew it meant more to Richie than that. She waited for Richie to pull away first and once he did, Maggie gestured inside, inviting them both in to where Wentworth was now waiting behind Maggie. Both Richie and Eddie entered slightly awkwardly and greeted Wentworth before everybody found their way over to the couches. After they sit down Maggie noticed Richie’s leg anxiously bouncing but apparently Eddie noticed too as he subtly placed a hand over Richie’s knee to stop it, which it did almost instantly in response to the touch. Maggie smiled at the touch, it showed her how in sync they were.

“So, how did this happen?” Maggie asked as she gestured between the two of them.

“Well it’s kind of a complicated story but I suppose I should tell you the whole thing” Richie said and Maggie leant forward to show that she was listening. “So of course you probably remember a few months ago when I had my public ‘meltdown’” Richie started, using air quotes around the word meltdown and both Maggie and Wentworth nodded, she was glad that he was finally returning to this, hoping for an even better explanation, “so part of the whole reason for that whole thing was when I got that call from Mike in Derry it made me realise that I couldn’t stand saying other people’s jokes anymore. I just hit a wall because I felt like I couldn’t lie anymore. Remembering all my friends from when I was younger made me realise that I used to not feel as trapped as I did when I performed my set. So, as weird as it may seem, I very suddenly decided that I needed to go back to Derry to reconnect with the only real friends I could remember ever having.” Maggie realised that this was probably the most honest her son had been to her in a long time, it ever. He was truly baring his soul to her and her heart broke at the thought of her son suffering as much as he seemed to have been. She had always been hoping that he was more social than he let on, but knowing that her suspicions that he had been suffering all those years were true hurt her deeply.

“So anyway, I went back to Derry, and that was where I met up with Eddie again,” Richie explained leaning over slightly to knock his shoulder against Eddie’s. “And well, I actually used to like him when I was younger and it was like all those feelings came back,” Richie admitted, obviously slightly uncomfortable talking about this with his parents. Maggie however, smiled, glad her suspicions about her son’s feelings as a child were correct. Knowing that he was happier as a child slightly helped soothe her pain.

“We were both in bad places at the time that we got the call about returning to Derry. After meeting with him again that all these feelings I hadn’t thought about in years all came up to surface. When we realised that we both felt the same way, everything seemed to work itself out,” Eddie explained, cutting in to move the story along after realising that Richie didn’t know where he was going. “Going back to Derry made me realise that I wasn’t happy with where I was in my life at that point. I actually had a wife who I’m now freshly divorced from.” Maggie would have felt sorry for him having to go through the arduous process of a divorce if he hadn’t seemed so happy about the fact. Maggie didn’t quite understand how returning to someone’s hometown could spark so much change in a person’s life, but she was certainly glad that it did.

“Well if that was the right choice for you then I’m happy for you both,” Maggie said and Eddie smiled in response, Richie on the other hand seemed more uncertain.

“Hey mom, can I talk to you in private for a second?” Richie asked suddenly, Maggie looked around the room at Eddie and Wentworth, neither of them looking as if they had a problem with it. Seeing no complaints Maggie stood up, leading Richie into the next room for a bit of privacy.

“You are actually okay with this aren’t you? I know that you say all these supportive things, but I just need to know that you mean it. That you don’t have a problem with me being- well you know.” Maggie almost couldn’t believe that Richie still felt as if she could just be pretending to be supportive. It seemed that no matter what she told him, she couldn’t win.

“You still think I might not be okay with you being gay?” Maggie asked, disbelievingly, and Richie almost looked guilty at the thought. If anything, she seemed far more okay with it than Richie himself was.

“Well, I don’t know, you grew up in a different time,” Richie tried to explain but Maggie wasn’t having it, she couldn’t allow Richie to think like this any longer.

“Honey, I’ve thought you were gay since you were 16 years old, I’ve been waiting for this moment for years.” Richie looked up at her in shock, obviously not expecting that response.

“Wait, really?” Richie asked, shocked. Maggie almost scoffed at the thought that Richie truly believed that he had completely kept it from her.

“You think your own mother couldn’t tell?” she said with a laugh and Richie’s expression turned sheepish.

“I don’t know, I just thought I hid well,” Richie tried to explain and Maggie almost laughed at him.

“If by hiding it well you mean never talking to me about girls for years on end then sure you hid it well.”

“I mean there was my comedy-”

“The sets I could tell you didn’t write in the first few minutes of watching one?” The thought that Richie believed that his comedy sets were enough to convince her that he was straight was absurd to her. Richie didn’t have a response to her rebuttal, instead sheepishly accepting defeat.

“What about dad?” he asked instead.

“Your father doesn’t care about anything other than his puzzles, his coffee and cars,” Maggie joked, but it had an element of truth. Wentworth couldn’t give a shit about almost anything anymore, he was incredibly easy to please. This answer seemed to appease Richie though as he didn’t prod her about him anymore. For a moment, Maggie felt insecure wondering why Richie believed his father’s acceptance so much easier than her own. She decided to push that thought away, not wanting to let it bother her. Richie wasn’t finished with his line of questioning anyway.

“And Eddie? I know it’s a bit of a weird scenario, but I really love him mom.” Maggie can immediately tell how truly he means it. Even if they hadn’t actually been together long, Maggie can obviously tell how deep their love ran within Richie, she just hoped that Eddie felt the same way.

“He was always such a great kid and he seems like he makes you happy, as long as you’re happy I’m okay with it.” Maggie meant it, genuinely. The one thing she wanted more than anything was for Richie to be happy. 

“He does mom, he really does. He probably makes me the happiest I’ve ever been.” Maggie was enraptured with the light that overtook Richie’s eyes when he talked about Eddie. She realised then that it was the same light she saw in Richie when he talked about Eddie when he was younger. The light reminded her of herself when she was younger and used to talk about Wentworth. Even if it may have taken her son longer than she would have liked to properly find this type of relationship with someone, she’s incredibly grateful that he got to find it eventually.

“That’s all a mother can ask for,” Maggie said honestly, “now why don’t we go and rejoin the others?” Richie agreed with the nod of his head and they both headed back into the main room where Wentworth and Eddie were still sitting.

“Richie, you never mentioned that he knew so much about cars!” Wentworth announced happily when he saw the other two enter the room. Out of the corner of her eye Maggie watched as Richie mouthed what looked like ‘suck up’ to Eddie across the room.

Before Maggie even got the time to sit down, she heard the timer go off in the kitchen to signal that her lasagna was done. She quickly got it out of the oven and brought it to the table, the others all following her to fit themselves around the Tozier’s small table. It didn’t need to be big; it wasn’t as if they got company often.

The meal mostly went smoothly, Eddie explaining what he had been up to in the over 20 years since they last saw him. Richie pretended to snore when Eddie explained his job as a risk analyst. Eddie rolled up eyes at Richie when he started to snore, and Maggie could tell that this was not the first time Richie had done this. As much as Eddie pretended to be annoyed, Maggie could tell that he wasn’t really annoyed with him. Maggie was glad as she watched Richie settle in comfortably to the conversation and for the first time in many years, Maggie saw the son who was so free and full of light that used to know and had always desperately wanted back. Maggie swore that her heart had never felt so full as it did over that dinner.

Eventually, the meal and subsequent continued conversation reached its natural conclusion and Maggie asked Wentworth to come join her in the kitchen to help with dishes. Eddie readily offered to help them, but Maggie politely turned him down saying that he must be tired from flying so far that day and he and Richie should go and settle into their room and unpack. As much as she appreciated the offer, she knew that he was just trying to be polite and besides, she wanted some time alone to talk with Wentworth.

When taking in the dishes from the table into the kitchen Maggie looked over her shoulder to see Richie playfully smack Eddie on the ass as he turned to go and find their room. She watched Eddie turn around to give Richie what would have been a convincing death glare if it weren’t for the corners of his lips slightly twisting up, giving away what hid behind his harsh façade. Maggie thought about it and realised that she hadn’t seen Richie act this way with anyone since… well since how he and Eddie acted together when they were younger.

“I’m glad Richie seems happy,” Wentworth said, making Maggie realise that she had been partially lost in thought. She snapped out of it and joined Wentworth beside the sink.

“Yeah, me too, I’m glad he’s finally found someone to balance himself out.” Maggie honestly couldn’t think of a person better for her son than Eddie. They seemed to bounce off each other easily in conversation, their childhoods obviously allowing each other a much better understanding of the other person than anybody could ever probably hope to have.

“We did an alright job, didn’t we?” Wentworth joked but Maggie leaned into him.

“Yeah, he might have gotten a little lost along the way, but he seems to have turned out alright” Maggie said with a smile and for the first time in a long while she felt truly at peace.


End file.
